Alone

Years ago, I was encouraged by the Steward to start this blog to express my feelings, an outlet for my frustrations if you will. In all those years, I was only able to post twice, and as I sit in my room rebuking the demons of melancholy and self pity, I've finally realized why.

I was not alone. From dramatic upheavals to mild upsets, there was always a kind and wonderful person who could chose perfectly the exact words to see me through. My faults, weaknesses idiosyncrasies were no secret and though sometimes it pained me to hear their words, I was always told the truth.

Now I face life's walk all alone as the Steward is gone billions of miles away and my alter ego's wagon is about to be hitched to the love of his life. Though my dimpled smiles light up my face, the sadness in my eyes tell another tale.

I am now alone.

Fallen from Grace

He has fallen from grace. All the wonderful things I thought about him have now been harshly removed from my mind to be replaced by a bitterness and a sadness that rivals none.

How could he have been so insensitive? What possesses someone to show a complete lack of consideration for other people’s feelings? Was his sole motivation a need to see me cry? Was this some long ago planned vengeance that he just now has the opportunity to unleash?

I am hurt beyond words…..

And I am convinced that there is some wicked higher power that prevents me from moving on. How much longer must I live with this barren unhappiness, loving so much and yet unable to love who is most important? This sickness, because it is a sickness, has plagued me for far too long. I need to move on.

So I pray for strength. Like so many times before, I kneel before the All Mighty begging to be spared from my dilemma.

I hope he hears me.

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My Name Is Pride

If only some of us would see how our stubborn pride shuns the blessings that our Father has in store for us.

My name is Pride, I am a cheater.
I cheat you of your God-given destiny....because
you demand your own way.

I cheat you of contentment......because you
"deserve better than this."

I cheat you of knowledge......because you already
know it all.

I cheat you of healing......because you're too full of
me to forgive.

I cheat you of holiness.......because you refuse to
admit when you're wrong.

I cheat you of vision......because you'd rather look
in the mirror than out a window.

I cheat you of genuine friendship......because
nobody is going to know the real you.

I cheat you of love....because real romance
demands a sacrifice.

I cheat you of greatness in heaven....because you
refuse to wash another's feet on earth.

I cheat you of God's glory.....because I convince
you to seek your own.

MY NAME IS PRIDE. I AM A CHEATER.

You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you.
U-N-T-R-U-E.

I'm looking to make a fool of you.

God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry........
If you stick with me
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.

By Beth Moore

Creating a Monster

What have I done? 

As a new convert to writing blogs, I find expressing myself in such a manner extremely tedious. Truth be told, expressing any feeling other than anger is quite a bother. As I'm sure there are others who are just as angry as I am, I write for those who are unable to, who have no will to and who want to..... Yes all of .....those.

Hence my intervention is at hand.

To re-open myself to a world that once slew my heart is quite a daunting undertaking. Nevertheless, I will dedicate myself to this kind of "therapy" and for what it's worth, I hope to hell it works.